Day One of Operation Eleanor

So my Twitter pal and fellow member of the enemy camp, @undomesticdiva has started a new 30 day challenge. She's calling it Operation Eleanor.  I've only known one Eleanor in my life.  She was the wife of my childhood preacher. Stingiest woman I've ever come across and did it "in the name of the LOOOORD!!!!".  A real mess, that one, but that's another story for another day.  This will be a nice way to remove one negative association and replace it with a positive one.

There are no strict rules nor guidelines in this effort. Nope! Just one requirement: Do one thing that scares you. Each day. For 30 days. There is no right nor wrong way to approach this, but it does need to be personal to you. If you don't blog (heh.... kinda like me) or don't wish to advertise your fears that you face, simply tweet a line. Hashtag it with #OpEleanor. Boom!  Don't tweet? Put it in your journal or create a Word document.  Writing about it will give you a record of what you did and allow you to reflect on it when you can't wipe your own ass anymore. 

Now let's get cookin'... 

It's clear that I don't post often.  Throwing my words and poor grammar out for the Internet to judge scares the pants off of me.  Like right now. I'm sitting here and sipping on a juice box. Mmm hmm... My cursor limps across the screen & blinks at me with apprehension. Yet? This is my challenge for Day One.  To just keep typing.  To hit publish.  To not lose my lunch when I insert my blog link into Megan's Mr. Linky Thingy.  

See, in the last one year and one month, my life has been full of many challenges.  Finding myself suddenly single and raising two children was (is) absolutely terrifying to me.  I just knew I would fail them.  On my darkest days, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to care for them properly.  That sadness would slurp me up and spit me out into the abyss.  I was afraid I wouldn't come back.  Yet, my kids showed me how much I *can* do. They never let me slip away.  There were butts to be changed, people!   Bellies to be filled!!  Hugs and kisses to be administered!!!

Doing those basic things and being kind to myself allowed me to see that there is a little of that ballsy girl left in me. I was strong enough to get them done.

And I did.  I have.  I do.

Most importantly?  I can.  

I'm the lone grown-up in this house and I get it done, people.  It's hard work and some days are hell. Many days though? They are spectacular and inspiring. 

So I know I can do this.  I can face those fears/experiences and come out of this so proud of myself.  If this last year has proven anything, it's that I can do anything I set my mind to.

.... and I plan to do just that.